Part One... A Warm August Evening

How it all began

4/08/2005

Working late at my temporary job as a computer assembler for RM, a large company that provide PC's all over the UK for schools, but enough of them, this is about me!! But yes, I was on the late shift, starting at about 3pm and finishing near on 10pm. Was having a good day, chin wag, laughing and joking, you know the usual, not actually doing much work.

Coming up to the end of the evening wanting to get home after an arduous day. I did get a lift to work and back, as at this point I did not yet have any transport of my own. The agency I worked for would take £10 or so a week for transport to and from work. Jumped into the people carrier, chatting with others while we were dropped off one by one. I think I was the last person to be taken home. Van parked up, I hopped out, closed the door, said goodbye, and proceeded to walk.

One thing though that did catch my eye and most unusual, was that the curtains were not drawn and the lights were off, all of them. “That's strange” I thought. Put my key in the door, said hello, but the only thing to greet me was the excited cocker spaniel on the other side of the door, Jed (RIP little bugger!). I made myself at home, as you do, and raided the cupboards for junk food and various other condiments.

I had been at home for nearly an hour, so it was getting on for about 11.30pm. And hadn't heard anything from anyone else, not a text nor a phone call. I did stick a DVD on to watch with the dog. When the house phone rang, I wondered who on earth would be ringing at this time. Turns out it was my father, and what he said I did not expect in the slightest. He told me that my brother Alex had been in an accident, and had banged his head and was currently in hospital being treated by the doctors at John Radcliffe in Oxford. My dad told me not to worry, as they were sure he would be fine, I headed upstairs to go to bed as it was getting very late and I had a driving test at 11am.

What was to happen next was not what anyone expected, well to be honest it was just myself, and Jed of course. I awoke to the barking of the dog, at about 5am-ish, not sure but the time scales work out right, I stepped out of my room shouting at the dog to tell him to be quiet. Turns out he was making all that noise because the house phone was ringing. I ignored this as it was bloody early so I headed back to bed. What came next cannot be described. But I will try.

At about 5.30am the sound of the door being shut aroused me, I heard footsteps up the stairs, followed by my door being opened. It was my father. I moaned at my dad for waking me up and asked who the f**k was ringing at 5am!? After my rant, dad told me, “that was your mother ringing, she's been trying to get hold of you all morning.” My father turned round and told me that my brother was dying, at this moment I couldn't comprehend what was being said, I broke down into tears and was given a big hug, not that it would help but as a token gesture. I had completely broken down, this was the start at the end of my life, what was I to do now?

I struggled to get dressed, then shortly afterwards I headed into bathroom and just stared at the mirror. Just because of the state of mind, I didn't know what I was doing. So I took my L'oreal moisturiser and rubbed it onto my face. My dad and I walked to the car, how he could have driven in such a state from being told this news. After setting off, I don't think I said a word, I couldn't, my mind was stricken by this drama. I don't remember the journey too well but at one point I remember was I grabbed the steering wheel after we nearly ploughed into a ditch, I don't blame him for not being able to concentrate, but I did have a pop at him, think I turned round and said you'd get us both killed in a minute, not the best thing to have said.

We arrived at the hospital and my dad took lead towards the large ward where my mum was standing, and her huge hazel coloured eyes were filled with tears, I gave her the biggest hug I had ever given anybody and proceeded to cry. The nurses on the ward were just staring at us, surely they had better things to do like flush out bed pans!!

I gazed at my brother laying there connected to all sorts of machines, his poor body covered in bruises, just laying there helpless. He had a large bandage wrapped round his head, covering more of the injuries, but was laying with a quilt over him, with only his arms and head exposed. I can't remember if I said anything to him or held him, but I wish now I did in a way. Moments later my parents and I were taken to a small room where they asked us whether they'd like us to use him as an organ doner, at the time I couldn't really think at all but in my mind I was just like, “are you serious?? my brother is laying there dying and all you can think about is removing his organs?!”. My mother was quick and said not a chance, not at all.

Next thing I remember is being driven home, going straight upstairs and just sobbing till my hearts content. It must have been a good few hours, or even a day I came downstairs. I got a text from Wendy, one of the women that I worked with, turned round and told me that my brothers accident had just been on Fox FM, I threw my phone across the living room. I turned to my parents and the exact words were not something I normally said in front of my parents. “Alex's tragedy had been on that f**king Fox FM”. They were shocked as much as I was, it hadn't even been a day and it had been on local radio, wankers, absolute wankers.